I'm having big issues. I don't like to whine in public like this but I guess I think I have to explain or something--you know, why there are suddenly no cooking at school pictures. I enrolled at Le Cordon Bleu very spontaneously. I've wished for a long time that I had pursued the culinary arts years ago. There is a culinary school called L'Ecole Culinaire very close to here and every single time I've ever passed it (often because it's right off the highway) I've felt that twang of regret. I kind of thought that I couldn't go back to school. I've been a single working parent for so long and won't commit my time to anything else. I wouldn't even work evenings and nights after Julianne started school because I didn't want sitters and teachers raising her. In fact, I've avoided the hospitality industry completely because of that and that's where I wanted to be. She's in high school now so I'm much more open about my schedule. When I'm alone again in a couple of years I plan to get back into that industry and not in St. Louis. I didn't know how I could pay for school. I've done the financial aid thing before and figured I had tapped it almost out. I'm also extremely hard-of-hearing and have a lot of problems following instructors even if I'm paying close attention. I saw an ad for LCB and requested information without taking time to think about it. An admissions representative called me and I made an appointment with her but I still didn't think I could go. Long story short, the financial aid worked out and everything fell into place very nicely. LCB is in St. Peters and that is thirty miles from here. There are no trains or busses to get me there. I am driving an ancient car but I really thought it would last me until I graduate in March. I still signed up for the carpool thing but have never found anyone to share a ride with. There was one chick who emailed me but never returned an email or call when I tried to contact her back. Frustrating! Of course, a couple of weeks into classes my car started having problems and they were bad enough that I was scared to drive the thirty miles to school in it. I missed three days of F1 (Food Foundations 1--the first six weeks of school) because of car trouble. Those were the days when Chef Shane demonstrated soups for us so I totally missed the soups. I still have never made consomme'! Of course, I had to take a practical test on what I didn't learn those days. A dude in my class offered to drive me. That was working out great as far as I knew. We get along fine. His car is comfortable. He has great music. I gave him gas money. He stopped showing up last week out of the blue. He doesn't answer the phone and doesn't return an email. I don't know what the problem is. I have one guess unless he has quit school. Bottom line is that I can't drive my car and have no way to get to St. Peters and it looks like I have to quit Le Cordon Bleu. It's killing me. I'm heartbroken and just pissed at the whole wide world tonight. I'm really getting seriously depressed and I don't get depressed. I was so excited about this and so extremely excited about the future after it. I'm going to check out L'Ecole Culinaire in the morning. Their program is almost twice as long and therefore more expensive and they don't have the big name but I can get there on public transportation if I have to. I'll make sure of that before I even make an appointment with an admissions rep. If financial aid works out again I'll go that route. I don't know what else to do if I want to be a chef. I just feel like I should have my act together by now and have at least a car that I can depend on.

Thank you for letting me whine! I promise to not do it here again!